This year, once again I will be missing Chinese New Year. I've missed it in 2007 and I vowed not to miss it again. Unfortunately, situation is such that it's unavoidable (work's the main culprit, not mine but hubby's!).
I felt it in 2007 and I was depressed the entire time. This year was not an exception. I already felt depressed and almost close to tears at work every time I imagine what my family is doing right at that instance.
Every year, this time of the year is particularly special. Christmas is special too, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, but Chinese New Year is the only time when family members get together and put away all differences to have that kindred spirit with one another.
When I was younger, I enjoyed CNY so much until the day I got married. Things were different after marriage since I no longer am able to join my own family for reunion dinner. So, let me reminisce those days when I spent CNY with my family as an unmarried woman.
Every CNY, we would travel to Ipoh (the only shopping mall was Super Kinta then) to shop for clothings and as preparation for the festival. All the children in the family (at that time only my brother and I) got to wear new clothes for CNY. There was one time when I told my mum on the eve that she's forgotten to buy me new shoes. She panicked and without hesitation, she drove me to Bata shop and got me a really beautiful pair of shoes. Even then, I knew my mother truly loved me.
Then my aunties would be back from Brunei and all aunties would gather around making love letter biscuits using the traditional way. The tradition lasted up till today.
When I was about 5-6 years old, I remember my family used to sell flowers and fruits in Kg Koh. Those were the most exciting and happy times. Shops would open till midnight for few nights leading up to the eve of CNY. On the eve of CNY, we would have family reunion dinner and soon after, my uncles would start putting up red fire cracker attached a high point outside the shop. Eventhough I didn’t understand the reason to light fire crackers, it didn’t matter at all because it surely was fun and exciting for me.
The moment the clock hit midnight, the whole village started lighting fire crackers and it went on and on for about half an hour. It was as though, everyone was trying to compete with one another to see whose crackers will last the longest. The streets were filled with passersby and some people were riding around in motorbikes circling villages just to enjoy the happy and merry atmosphere.
Then we moved to a new place when I was seven and things gradually started to change. We no longer felt the merriment in the village. It was only when my family bought a big house and all family members stayed together did some of the good old times came back to us. After the passing of my grandfather, things were different too. The family became larger with more additions to the family. Every year was seemingly the same until I was much older.
The shopping for new clothes still continued and reunion dinner was always the best when women in the family cooked their specialty dish. My mum is particularly good with chau mein ie fried noodles. The skill and recipe was passed down by my grandfather. I can never get it right while practising it in Australia because the noddles are just not the right one. Anyway, my aunties would cook all the other dishes and hence the reunion dinner would start and end with much merriment and laughter.
My brother and I learned how to play cards and soon, it was my sister’s turn. She became really good at it and it was only when all of us were bigger, our uncles and aunties enjoyed our company more. They appreciate us more and value our presence even more than before. We would play cards through the night while waiting to light fire crackers. The card playing would continue for many days and nights after.
As years passed, the fire crackers evolved and became more like fireworks than fire crackers. Although firecrackers were banned by the country, folks still ‘miraculously’ able to obtain fireworks from god-knows who. Although police would drive around town to ‘catch’ and stop people from lighting fireworks, somehow it didn’t stop the fireworks from shooting up the sky. For once, it was sheer liberation to see the community going against the authority (please, I don't encourage that).
Once it was all over, we would all head back home for a good night’s rest.
The next morning, we would put on our finest clothings and the first thing we have to do is to wish our family members well like ‘Gong Xi Fa Cai’ and a few others which my mum taught us (of course, now I’ve forgotten them all). The dressing up was the best and it was for no apparent reason. We only stayed at home most of the time and probably only go out once in a while for visiting friends and relatives. But mainly, we would stay at home and start playing card games and mah-jong more recently. Then all the children in the family would receive angpows (red-packet) from the married couples and somehow I am always the luckiest as I get more money each year compared to my brother and sister. That’s because I have many god-families. One family took care of me when I was very young, and they treated me like their own until I was older. Another was a more recent god-family where my godparents would give me a bigger angpow than my brother and sister. But my siblings were never envious of me. They knew I was different.
CNY cookies were the best and we would have much junk food to munch throughout the day. We also stock up all sorts of drinks, fizzy drinks and fruit drinks for family members and visitors. As children, we never get a chance to drink Shandy (my favourite) and other fizzy drinks throughout the whole year, and only get to drink it during CNY. Oh, it was such a merry and unforgettable time.
So tell me now, as my families are gathering around, making love-letter biscuits, preparing the house for the festival, having reunion dinner, watching fireworks, giving of angpows (not that I miss this part because I have to give out angpows since I’m married now) and playing card games with family members, how can I not be depressed??
It is not only depressing, but torturing having to endure the thoughts and imagination of all the fun I miss out. Life is pretty confronting as you grow older. But most of them, we make the choices with our own hands. Question is, should we live for the future or the present?
Here’s wishing all of you, Happy Ox Year 2009 and hope that God bless you all abundantly with His riches blessings.
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