It's so liberating to finally get my driver's licence. I have been driving for almost 4 yearrs in Sydney with my Malaysian's driver's licence and according to the Roads and Traffic Authority (RTA) of NSW, I have to get a local driver's licence after living for 3 months in the country. Not very law abiding, am I?
Taking the test itself is a nightmare. I failed once, and I was so nervous to re-take the test. Oh, and something happened regarding the driving test and I'm sure if I tell you, you will be mad at me.
My second test was initially scheduled on the 12th of May ie Monday. The night before I was preparing for the test and what to bring; driving test slip, check, driving test book, check, L licence, check, L plates, check, proof of address documentation, check, Malaysian's driver's licence translation, check. All prepared and set, I thought to myself. Next morning, hubby was so nice to accompany me to RTA. Test was on 8.30am and we were on time. Then, just before my name was called, I searched for my wallet.. opened my handbag, and I couldn't see my wallet!! I was frantically searching for it and started panicking. Deep inside, I knew I must have left it on the table when I double-checked my L licence the night before. I was apologizing profusely to the test instructor, and asked if I could quickly rush home to get it. She wouldn't proceed with the test without any proof of ID. So, just imagine the whole ordeal.. I almost felt like killing myself!
Finally, the test instructor (thank God, she's a nice lady) suggested that I re-book my test and discouraged rushing around otherwise, I will mess up all their schedule for the day. That left me with no choice really but to re-book. Hence I have to pay an extra 40 bucks to re-book the test. Then, my next fear was, the waiting period for the next available test. It normally takes about 3 weeks and I was dreading like crazy to drive 'illegally' again prior to the test. But guess what, God is good, praise the Lord. The next available test was the very next day!!! How awesome was that? Even the test instructor said I was lucky! I quickly booked the test for the next day and left RTA with mixed feelings.
I have an amazing husband. He did not utter a single angry word. The only mad person was me. But I remembered the ultimatum he gave me. With slight difficulty, I composed myself and tried not to be so affected by the incident. He noticed and praised me for that. Haha.. isn't that funny? Instead of giving me a piece of his mind, he praised me for keeping calm. So, it worked. I chose not to be affected by my own mistake, and forgave myself. But, having said these, I truly hope it served as good lesson and I will learn from this mistake.
So, the next day I took the test, and it all went smoothly. The test normally takes 45 mins to an hour (under new rules since end of 2007), but it only took me 30 minutes to complete everything. I am so glad that I finally got this chapter of my life closed. Feels so good to drive so freely now!!
Wednesday, May 14
Sunday, May 11
The Idea of North
On Saturday, we had the priviledge of attending a gig/show by a jazz group called The Idea of North. It's a contemporary a cappella group singing mainly jazz, pop and gospel. Eventhough I've never heard of this group, I did enjoyed the show. Plenty of scat singing, however, it wasn't as impressive as I would expect them to be, having since won the best "contemporary acapella group in the country". Many of such musical talent do come from church, as singing and music do play an essential role. Hence, we did have some youths perform such acapella singing in church once, and that wowed me instantly. This group too has a history of coming together because of the same faith and belief, something which I automatically assume since they sing gospel songs. They are pretty good, but I think they can be better should they have awesome composers, especially the world renowned ones. Anyway, go check out their website and listen to some of their singing.
Happy Mother's Day!
She's a strong woman as she's protective over our being yet vulnerable and sensitive to our needs. She's funny as she can never perfect her cooking and baking, yet I love all her cooking. She's everyone's best friend as she emphatizes with you, yet she can be genuinely honest with you. She cries with you and her heart goes out for all who is in need, yet she can chastise you for being a fool. She's open-minded, and would accept anything as long as we are honest with her. She would laugh and cry with us, as a friend would, yet showered us love sacrificially and unconditionally.
She is the most amazing and modern mother, mother-in-law, aunty, sister and grandmother. She is great in every role she plays. No one I know, can play these roles simultaneously with such passion coupled with genuine care and concern.
Love you mum!!
Saturday, May 10
Want to be happy? Don't have kids!
I am battling within myself over this issue. I've tried to come out with a good, practical and sensible reason to have kids, other than God's ordinance. Not that I have anything against people having kids, nor the kids themselves. In fact, I love kids, correction, I love babies. As I re-visit this issue, I want to confess, there isn't a single day which pass without me giving a good thought about it. Whenever we ask couples who have children, fundamental questions like why have children, almost always we get this answer quite unequivocally; it's very rewarding.
I have personally pondered over this word, "rewarding" over and over again. What does it mean by that? Rewarding in what manner? What will children give us? What will do they for us? This life alone have enough problems by itself, can children alleviate them? I also hear that children bring much joy to us, in what sense?
Finally, an article in the newspaper came to my attention. The headings read exactly like the title of this blog. Harvard University psychology professor Daniel gilbert talked about marriage first, how it was marriage that will make us happy and not money. Then he moved on to state that children will only make us sadder, in fact, the more children we have, the sadder we are likely to be. He continued on by stating that studies in the US and European over the past 10 to 15 years showed people's happiness did spike while they were expecting a baby, but it sharply plummeted after the child was born. It takes another big hit when the child reaches adolescence and finally our happiness will only come back to us when the child grow up and go away. To me, I guess that only happens provided that the child does well in life and does not give the parents any problems or worries.
The one analogy Professor Gilbert gave, somewhat answered my question on the meaning of the word "rewarding". He compared having kids to buying a pair of Armani socks. When people own them, they can't stop teling you they are the best socks, the most amazing socks. Perhaps, the reason for that is because they paid almost a hundred bucks for it. Surely, it must be a good socks, no doubt about it!
So true. You wouldn't want anything bad to occur after your purchase, would you? Especially if it involves so much money! Surely, psychology play a role here. Because you invested so much effort, energy, money, time, attention, blood and tears to have children, surely, they must bring us some joy or happiness. As Professor Gilbert puts it, what kind of idiots would we be to devote all of that to the rearing of our young if they'd didn't bring us some happiness??
In fact, this is a point of no return if we have kids. It's not like purchasing something and keep it if satisfactory. We can undo the making of kids. We have no choice but to accept it for all its worth. If they are good kids, perhaps you'll say it's all worth it. What if they are brats, rascals, disobedient and hopeless bunch of kids? How can they be worth it?
Then when the arguments not winning, people bring in religion. That it's a blessing to have children? What kind of blessing can that be when all your kids give you is nothing but heartache?
Well, perhaps, that satisfy my question of how rewarding can children be? If you think about it, that is actually not the right word to use, especially if their children are a handful. You can only use that word, when you reach an old age, having raised good and successful in their own ways kids. Not when your kids are still crawling. With this, I came to a conclusion that when people say all the good things about their children, it all boils down to this; ownership. This is also the very basic instinct of survivalship.
People made children themselves (with God's help, of course!), so it's quite an achievement to finally own someone of your flesh and blood. You would protect anything that's of your ownership, you would say all sorts of nice things of everything you own. Else, you wouldn't own them. Everything you own, must be good and perfect in your eyes.
Finally, my point of view on how kids affect our happiness, is slightly different than the mentioned article. Happiness is a choice. Kids don't make it worse nor better. I do agree kids can make it worse, if they are little rascals. But if you have good children, they are really to die for. Raising kids is challenging, especially if you want to produce good kids. But hey, what isn't challenging in this life?
Therefore, I shall wait and let God intervene. If He's willing, we will get a child soon. Else, it shouldn't make any difference to our happiness now.
I have personally pondered over this word, "rewarding" over and over again. What does it mean by that? Rewarding in what manner? What will children give us? What will do they for us? This life alone have enough problems by itself, can children alleviate them? I also hear that children bring much joy to us, in what sense?
Finally, an article in the newspaper came to my attention. The headings read exactly like the title of this blog. Harvard University psychology professor Daniel gilbert talked about marriage first, how it was marriage that will make us happy and not money. Then he moved on to state that children will only make us sadder, in fact, the more children we have, the sadder we are likely to be. He continued on by stating that studies in the US and European over the past 10 to 15 years showed people's happiness did spike while they were expecting a baby, but it sharply plummeted after the child was born. It takes another big hit when the child reaches adolescence and finally our happiness will only come back to us when the child grow up and go away. To me, I guess that only happens provided that the child does well in life and does not give the parents any problems or worries.
The one analogy Professor Gilbert gave, somewhat answered my question on the meaning of the word "rewarding". He compared having kids to buying a pair of Armani socks. When people own them, they can't stop teling you they are the best socks, the most amazing socks. Perhaps, the reason for that is because they paid almost a hundred bucks for it. Surely, it must be a good socks, no doubt about it!
So true. You wouldn't want anything bad to occur after your purchase, would you? Especially if it involves so much money! Surely, psychology play a role here. Because you invested so much effort, energy, money, time, attention, blood and tears to have children, surely, they must bring us some joy or happiness. As Professor Gilbert puts it, what kind of idiots would we be to devote all of that to the rearing of our young if they'd didn't bring us some happiness??
In fact, this is a point of no return if we have kids. It's not like purchasing something and keep it if satisfactory. We can undo the making of kids. We have no choice but to accept it for all its worth. If they are good kids, perhaps you'll say it's all worth it. What if they are brats, rascals, disobedient and hopeless bunch of kids? How can they be worth it?
Then when the arguments not winning, people bring in religion. That it's a blessing to have children? What kind of blessing can that be when all your kids give you is nothing but heartache?
Well, perhaps, that satisfy my question of how rewarding can children be? If you think about it, that is actually not the right word to use, especially if their children are a handful. You can only use that word, when you reach an old age, having raised good and successful in their own ways kids. Not when your kids are still crawling. With this, I came to a conclusion that when people say all the good things about their children, it all boils down to this; ownership. This is also the very basic instinct of survivalship.
People made children themselves (with God's help, of course!), so it's quite an achievement to finally own someone of your flesh and blood. You would protect anything that's of your ownership, you would say all sorts of nice things of everything you own. Else, you wouldn't own them. Everything you own, must be good and perfect in your eyes.
Finally, my point of view on how kids affect our happiness, is slightly different than the mentioned article. Happiness is a choice. Kids don't make it worse nor better. I do agree kids can make it worse, if they are little rascals. But if you have good children, they are really to die for. Raising kids is challenging, especially if you want to produce good kids. But hey, what isn't challenging in this life?
Therefore, I shall wait and let God intervene. If He's willing, we will get a child soon. Else, it shouldn't make any difference to our happiness now.
Friday, May 2
Anger management
I am an angry person as always dubbed by my husband as 'angry elf'. I'm not sure if I have been this way all my life or has it just gone worse over the years. My problem is I can react or respond aggresively when I'm angry or even sheer annoyance too can cause me behave that way. It seems like I'm a totally different person whenever anger evoked in me. Since I cannot lash out my anger at the problem in public, hence I redirect all my anger to hubby. My anger has in fact gone out of control and is turning destructive, leading to marriage problem. Thank goodness, hubby endured this problem of mine with lots of patience and has confronted me in dealing with anger before it's too late.
What makes me angry? Things such as ruined plans, unco-operative people, traffic jams, losing things of value and etc. I quote this from a website talking about controlling anger.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low
tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not
have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't
take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation
seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake. What
makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or
physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy,
and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age.
Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught
that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to
express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it
constructively. Research has also found that family background plays a role.
Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive,
chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
For my case, it definitely has to be family background, and guess what, my dad is a totally angry person and does not know how to express himself well. Hence, his anger is uncontrollable and often involves violence. Time and again, hubby always remind me of my dad when I'm angry, scary he says. If I don't like the way my dad is when he's angry, hubby can totally identify with that, as I'm placing him in the same situation. Speaking of which, my brother and my sister are all the same too, all angry people.
It's funny that the article also mentioned this:
Logic defeats anger,because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become
irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world
is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of
daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll
help you get a more balanced perspective.
So true! I'm not a good communicator, so when I'm angry, I don't get my reasoning across right. There was once (only once), when I shouted at hubby because I couldn't make him stop advising me. There he was trying to calm me down, and because I couldn't think logically, I just lost it. Whenever things go wrong, I keep telling myself, that God is unfair to me! Exactly the same line of thinking as though the world is out there to get me.
What got me to blog about anger management was something that happened recently until today. I lost my hubby's wedding band. How?? You must be asking, isn't your husband wearing the ring? To give you a little background to that whole ring issue, I will have to go as far back as to our wedding.
We were getting married, so of course every wedding or marriage needs a "symbol" to remind us of our love for each other. So we got the rings. Even then, problems already existed with the whole ring ordeal. Firstly, hubby knew it will be a hard time adjusting to wearing accessory daily. Secondly, we cannot decide on what colour ie gold or white gold. When he gave me the engagement ring, it was in gold because he said he would prefer a gold ring (all his brothers wear gold, so he wants to follow suit!) for the wedding band. Hence, I chose gold for the diamond ring so as to go with the wedding band later on. When the time came to choose the wedding band, we found out that he suits silver colour better ie white gold. I had to accept a white gold to go with my diamond ring so as to have a matching wedding band. An annoyance I had to bear. Thirdly, after the church ceremony, he announced to the world (during dinner reception) that he forgot to wear the wedding ring. Something I forgave easily as we were newly married, surely you are not use to wearing the ring yet. Fourthly, he shows you how 'important' the ring is by simply placing the ring everywhere, even to the extent that he left it on his desk at work. Then, as time passed, it's been 2 years since we got married, and I can count the number of times he wore the ring. Even then, I had to make him wear it. We eventually striked a deal, that I should allow him not to wear it on weekdays, and in return he will wear it on weekends (have you ever known of such couple doing this sort of bargaining?!).
Finally, I have had enough. If he's not wearing it, I will store it away and he will have a hard time looking for it. True enough, my words came to pass. I have since kept it somewhere, even I don't know where I kept it. It's been two days and we were both frantically searching for it but it's no where to be seen. Because of this, I have been moody and angry. I was searching for it, because I still want to keep it as my treasure, but he was searching for it not because of the ring, but knowing that it will cheer me up and make me happy again. He cannot tolerate me being so affected as it affects him deeply as well.
So really, what hubby said was true. In fact, there are many reasons why I didn't have to be angry over this matter. Reasons which I have just explained. I should just have a cognitive restructuring (as proposed by the website) that is to change my thinking over this ring. As much as it's a symbol, it's only still a symbol. What matters more is my husband, as he puts it, well and alive, beside me.
We have been so good for some time now, and he really treasures these happy times. In fact, I'm loving my husband more and more now. I will have to make a conscious effort to control my anger and to remind myself, being angry will not mend things. I wouldn't trade hubby for anyone. He is such a wonderful man. I pray that God will help me deal with my emotions. Please pray for me.
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