The Painted Veil

I watched this movie some time ago and have been wanting to blog about it. First stop, I love Edward Norton since 'The Score'. He has this sex appeal that .. well appeals to me. But he's a little too thin in this movie but still sexy for me.

Not going to write a synopsis about this movie although I think it's a little too fast-paced for the story to be told and the sadness to sink in. One part that caught my attention was when Kitty Fane (Naomi Watts) asked Waddington (played by Toby Jones) a British who lives just next door to the Fanes in China, what is it that his girlfriend (a chinese girl, who looks a little insane to me probably due to too much opium) sees in him that she chose to stay with him. Toby Jones then asked the woman in chinese the same question, and to which she replied albeit to my surprise "because he's a good man". Because he's a good man.. wow, that was powerful, as simple as that!! I had expected the reason to be rich or something along that line since he is no good looking, short, stout well, to be crude, he was just plain ugly.

It then dawned upon me that being a good man, is still an admirable quality yet no one sees that as a priority pre-requisite in choosing a life partner today. Women will always boast about their partner being handsome, rich, talented.. and of course they want to live up to their standard and go all out to choose a man who possess at least one of these criteria. Not many women are willing to choose an ugly, poor and is incapable of any talent although they can be .... just ...plain good man.

I too am guilty of that. I remember rejecting guys who came after me and I judged them by their appearance, some short, some poor family background, some slow and not clever.. but I can tell you that they are all good man! I truly believe that they can make a good husband despite their seemingly unimportant short-comings.

For reasons that I figured out, women want the 3 things I mentioned because:

1. Rich - you don't have to boast that your husband is rich, people can tell from the house you live in, the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the handphone he uses and all the latest gadgets that he uses. These are all tell-tale signs that he is well-to-do. Women feel more confident with the fact the their husband is well-off.

2. Physical appearance - again, this doesn't need explanation. People who have eyes can tell your partner is awfully attractive that it makes other women feel intimidated and probably a little ashamed with their 'uglier' partner. Surely, women will feel proud to show-off their partner.

3. Talent - I know many women who are dying to be with talented men; gifted musicians, exceptional singers, great dancers, brilliant artist, commendable sportsmen and etc. They don't have to be famous like superstars, they only need to exhibit those talents among people they know. That is enough to warrant attention. Yet again, these talents speak for themselves. Everyone would be in awe with these talents.. not many people have them and surely women are proud of their other half because of their talent. Surely, they have been swept right off their feet with these talents.

Why then, isn't good man as desirable as the above-mentioned traits? Perhaps, a good man, I feel takes a longer time to 'discover'. Time and effort needs to be taken to truly discern a good man. And if one found a good man, are they truly satisfied? This is when I ask, do you love this man or do you love what he has?

The title is beautiful and is a great illustration of how women ought to look beyond the painted veil to discover what lies beneath a man whom they have no desire for initially.

Bolehland

I have no idea how to translate the title. It basically refers to Malaysia, the bolehland ie anything is possible in Malaysia. I wish I can be brave and vocal towards Malaysian government, then again, as long as you have ISA (who recently arrested RPK for blogging), you literally have to stay put and be quiet else you'd end up in the detention centre. Scary but true!

As usual, I updated myself with Malaysian news and my oh my... what a hot potato!!! After reading several blogs I am seriously infuriated at what I have known all along. Things are really getting way out of alignment. I really doubt blogging about the government through the perceived "freedom of speech" is going to help at all. Don't get me wrong, I just don't want bloggers to get into trouble. Personally, all I can say is, don't waste your breath, you are dealing with retards. They can hardly think for themselves, all they can do it retaliate physically, by putting you in jail! That would solve their problem, but little do they know, they will be the main sufferers if they don't change their mentality.

Was reading BrisbaneTimes regarding world's most corrupt country and what a shame Malaysia isn't the top 10. I was like...hello.. Malaysia is right there on the map. It' quite visible in the world map you know? Can you see it??? Perhaps you should open your eyes bigger... no?? Still can't see it?? Let me help you la..

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There!!! My verdict of the most corrupt country in the world or at least give it a top 10 la. How can it even be in orange?? Oh by the way, the lower the CPI, the higher the corruption. Malaysia should at least be in red!!!

How do people even do a survey on corruption?? Maybe it's not political corruption but more of social corruption. That is understandable because if it's political, it must be well-guarded. Sorry, I'm not a political science student, so spare me the orthodox understanding.

Anyway, for information sake:

Most corrupt country and CPI score
Somalia: 1.4
Myanmar: 1.4
Iraq: 1.5
Haiti: 1.6
Uzbekistan: 1.7
Tonga: 1.7
Sudan: 1.8
Chad: 1.8
Afghanistan: 1.8
Laos: 1.9

Least corrupt country and CPI score
Norway: 8.7
Denmark: 9.4
Finland: 9.4
New Zealand: 9.4
Singapore: 9.3
Sweden: 9.3
Iceland: 9.2
Netherlands: 9.0
Switzerland: 9.0
Canada: 8.7

Source: http://www.gulfnews.com/world/General/10185179.html

Love Languages

I found this at my godbrother's blog and took the quiz. It's based on the five love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. The questions are quite tricky in a sense, but I guess it's aim is to put into hierarchy the languages of love that means most to you.

I think it's pretty accurate. I always need Big Elf's honest opinion on something, and he always keeps things in perspective by telling me the truth. When I was younger, I always wanted him to sweet talk me, but he can hardly! It was frustrating at times. Well, those were the old childish days when we first met. Nowadays, I appreciate everything he says including negative ones and I accept it with no hard feelings. However him on the other hand is affected when I tell him frankly what I think (is that bad???).

Here are some of the conversations we once had (with some improvisation):

SCENARIO 1:
HIM: Do you think I play basketball well??

HER: (Argh..... thank goodness I wasn't facing him when he asked, I had to gather my thoughts to answer him)Well, dear you always know you are not sports incline one what.. (bad opening!!!!).

HIM: So, I really cannot play one la hor..?

HER: (Realized that he wanted some confirmation to motivate him to exercise) Nola, it takes lots of practice one. Have to keep playing until you are good lor... (slightly better answer I would presume)

HIM: Nola, I think I cannot play one la. I think I'm not good at basketball lah.

HER: (Since I've watched him play before) Your only problem is, you are too lazy to run around for the ball. People run to the ball, you jog to the ball!!! You don't like to exert yourself one... cannot like that one. Have to go all out to play basketball one.

HIM: (Sighed deeply) Nevermind la, I accept the fact that I can never be a good basketballer.

HER: (Felt so remorseful.. after not even trying to encourage husband).........

Tell me now, what kind of wife am I??

SCENARIO 2:

HIM: Dear ar, I think I am quite slow one.

HER: (Without hesitating and wanting to be honest)Yeah, abit la.. it's okay one la.. everyone has their own weaknesses! (Opps, did I just say something wrong??)

HIM: (Startled at my revelation) Where got wife so discouraging one??

HER: Nola, you are fast and good at other stuffs what.

HIM: Like what???

HER: You cook very well, you can be a well-known chef (This is 100% true!).

HIM: Really???

HER: Of course (in all seriousness). You are so creative when it comes to food!!

HIM: But you say I am slow... what if I'm also discouraging towards you??

HER: Say la..I accept everything and anything!

HIM: What if I say, you don't dance well??

HER: I know.... of course I don't dance well. No lesson, no training, no nothing.

HIM: (Not satisfied as he knows I loves dancing) What about you don't blog well??

HER: I know.. I cannot write one.. I never think I blog well.

HIM: (Again, unsatisfied) What about, you are not pretty!

HER: (Ouch, almost hitting the bull's eye he thought) I know, I never say I'm pretty. I'm never pretty!!

HIM: (Pouting)Why you don't feel anything one??

HER: It's because I accept the truth about myself. I don't tell myself things that are not true about myself. I don't lie to myself!! Life still goes on even when you are not NO. 1!!!!

HIM: Hm........ (dumbfounded)

Anyway, that's the sort of person I am with Big Elf. The true self I guess. Somehow, it's harder to be genuinely truthful to other people because I try to guard their feelings from being hurt. We do give each other praises when praises are due. All the more meaningful, I believe.

Anyway, I tried the quiz, and here is my result --->

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Languages are probably Quality Time and Words of Affirmation

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	9
Words of Affirmation:	9
Receiving Gifts:	5
Physical Touch:	4
Acts of Service:	3

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!

I would like to tag......
1) Li Lian
2) Jiunn Li
3) Alex Chew SS

Talk about breastfeeding

Remember that time we had some friends visiting us and stayed with us for 3 weeks? Of course, you don't. How can you remember, unless you are my family members who knows every single thing about me. Anyway, I remember asking my friend unending questions about having a baby, and one of our conversation included breastfeeding. If you know science, and if you are well-informed, you will know that breastmilk IS good for the baby. But I was appalled when she told me how she was discouraged by her family members especially relatives when she breastfeeds for more than a month. But she is a very strong-willed person and is not easily dissuaded. She knows what's best for her baby. When she was here, her little boy was almost 2 years old and she was still breastfeeding! I was amazed as I never knew anyone who breastfed for that long.

Today, I came across this article and thought it was an excellent article. The message was clear and right to the point! I thought I'd reproduce that article as I'm afraid it will be taken down soon.

Yes, actually, breast is best
Linda McIver
September 20, 2008

I didn't set out to be weird. I didn't intend to be strange. It wasn't a deliberate choice to do something so way out, something that was obviously not quite right. Not just bizarre, but frankly rather distasteful. Some even find it disgusting. The thing is, it's OK when you start. People are even supportive initially. But as you keep going, failing to stop at the invisible stop sign, people start to get very edgy. It starts to seem a little perverse.

Apparently there is a rule I didn't know about. You stop breastfeeding by 12 months at the latest. Continue any longer than that and … well, it's a bit twisted, isn't it?

"Will you still be breastfeeding her at her 21st?" It's delivered with a smile - it may be the funniest thing the speaker has said all day, possibly even all year - but, let's face it, this is the 100th time I've been asked the question this week, and it wasn't funny the first time. My mother was the first to say it. I knew she would have a hard time with me "failing" to stop breastfeeding when my daughter, Chloe, was one. She always referred to my friend Ann as "that woman who was still breastfeeding her toddler at your baby shower".

But, to her credit, she came around. When I asked her why it was so wrong, she had no answer, and finally admitted that it was just what she was used to. She could find no reason why I should stop at the magic 12-month mark.

Which is just as well, because I would not have stopped whatever she said. I was happy to keep feeding Chloe, and Chloe was happy to keep feeding, so why stop? When I went back to work when she was 11 months, a feed when I got home on Daddy's day, or when I picked her up from child care, was a nice way to reconnect. It was an excellent behavioural tool - a feed could always calm her when she was hurt or upset. A feed always helped to get her off to sleep (yes, I committed the terrible crime of feeding her to sleep, right from the start. Oh, the shame), and it was brilliant the few times we flew - feeding on take-off and landing made the flying thing a breeze.

Yet despite the fact that breastfeeding was overwhelmingly positive for Chloe and I, and for my second child, Jane, who is still feeding at 18 months, I have received a host of negative responses and comments. Everyone feels qualified to offer an opinion. From the type of social pressure in the joking comments such as the ones above, to the more disturbing pseudo-medical comments. "It's time you gave her own immune system a go" (actually breastfeeding has a host of immune benefits, and helps to strengthen the baby's immune system at least until two years of age - studies haven't been done beyond that age yet, but there's no reason to believe that immunological components of breast milk would disappear at that age). "You're stopping her from getting adequate nutrition from solids" (breast milk is nutritious, and my children eat plenty of solids as well). "It's too draining for you physically." (I'm doing fine, thank you!) "It will make her too dependent on you." (Research in the US by Professor James McKenna of the Mother-Baby Behavioural Sleep lab at the University of Notre Dame suggests that the reverse is true - children who are attachment parented, who tend also to experience sustained breastfeeding, are more confident and independent in the long term.)

Why do people have a problem with it?

The problem seems to be a strong feeling that it is wrong for the child somehow. That it makes the child "unnaturally dependent on his mother" as Dr Spock wrote in the 1950s, or interferes with nutrition or taking up of solid foods. A GP once told me that I should not be feeding my toddler at night, because it "interferes with her daytime nutrition". This is based purely on prejudice - there is no medical reason for it.

It is interesting to challenge our assumptions and instinctive reactions to milk. Apparently it's OK to feed your child cow's milk (or formula made from it) at any age, but continuing to give her your own milk is weird. Possibly even perverted.

At a recent meeting of the Australian Breastfeeding Association someone mentioned that her mother was raised in a village in Eastern Europe, where they would try to ensure that two women got pregnant at similar times, so that they could share working and raising the children. One mother would go to work in the fields, the other would stay home and breastfeed both children. The next day they would swap roles. Almost every woman in the room immediately went "Eeeew! How could you let your child drink someone else's milk?" A very wise breastfeeding counsellor by the name of Shirley Brown smiled at us all and said, "It's funny, it's OK to feed your child an animal's milk, but not another person's!" Until we question our prejudices, we can't detect the ones that are baseless.

Many people object that "it's just for comfort", which raises the question, "What's wrong with comforting my child?" (It's also medically wrong, by the way - as well as the immunological components, there is plenty of nutrition in breast milk.)

It may be that it challenges the notion of parental control - that we should be controlling, almost forcing the child to do what we perceive to be right. Child-led weaning is the antithesis of this - allowing the child to do what feels right seems to be a real source of tension. There is a perception that a child left to wean herself will choose never to wean.

It may be true that they don't "need" it - after all, plenty of children do fine on formula from the start. But even if they can survive without it, that doesn't make it necessary to stop. I can survive without chocolate, too, but I choose not to give it up, even though it has nowhere near the benefits of breast milk.

It is interesting that many people don't simply feel that sustained breastfeeding is not something they could contemplate themselves, but that it is actively wrong for anyone. This may be partly the usual human desire to see others replicate and hence confirm our choices, but it seems to be more than that. Somehow breastfeeding seems to have become tangled up in our strange attitude to the human body, nakedness and sexuality.

Is it about breasts? Certainly feeding a toddler in public increases the chance that a stranger (or worse, a friend!) may inadvertently glimpse your breasts. Yet I can't for the life of me work out why that should be so problematic. Is it the risk of accidentally arousing someone for a moment? Most mothers will not leave their breasts hanging out longer than necessary, and if a brief glimpse of nipple sends someone into a frenzy, I think there are other issues involved (and they're not my issues or my problem). Is it the interaction between child and breast? Particularly if the child is male, there seems to be a fear of sexualisation, that the child will somehow perceive his mother's breasts, hitherto a source of nourishment and comfort, as sexual objects. This, again, says more about the perceptions (and, yes, perversions) of the observers than the child. Anthropologist Kathy Dettwyler points out that the idea of breasts as sexual objects is a largely Western cultural belief, rather than inherent in the breasts themselves.

HOW do we decide what is obscene? It's not fundamental. There is no secret list, or magic criteria. It's a value judgement, based on social norms. Why are breasts obscene (particularly when they're under-age, as in the Bill Henson furore) but violence is not? As a society, we seem to have developed some odd attitudes to nudity, and to breasts. I know parents who go out of their way to make sure their children never see any naked breasts or bottoms, but people beating each other up, blood everywhere, guns and other random violence? No problem. By letting our children see naked flesh, and use breasts for their fundamental purpose, are we setting them up for some dreadful fixations? I can't see it. I don't understand how seeing breasts as a food source translates to sexual perversion. In fact, the recent media story about a model who refused to breast feed because she preferred to reserve her breasts for her husband strikes me as far more perverse than sustained breastfeeding.

Despite the World Health Organisation recommendation that children be breastfed until at least two years of age, a recent long-term study by the Australian Institute of Family Studies found that at 12 months, 28% of children were breastfeeding; at 18 months, only 9% of children were being breastfed; and at 24 months, the rate was only 5%. In contrast, by about two years of age a third or more of the children in sub-Saharan Africa were still breastfeeding. In five out of seven Asian countries studied, 50% or more were still being breastfed at two years; in Bolivia, Peru and Guatemala 40% of children; and in Indonesia 63% of children are still breastfed at this age.

Rather than asking why people continue to breastfeed, perhaps we should ask why people stop breastfeeding? It is interesting to note that, in the 1880s in the US, 95% of children were still being breastfed at two. By 1990, only 50% were being breastfed at birth. So what has changed? There is the problem of returning to work, plus the powerful marketing strategies of formula companies. That very 1950s idea that anything out of a scientific lab was far superior to anything natural may have played a part. Some women are forced to wean for medical reasons, or because breastfeeding is difficult or painful. Others choose to stop breastfeeding, and there are many possible reasons: wanting to drink alcohol; wanting the "freedom"; wanting their body back; wanting space; working; wanting to go out without needing to express; wanting/needing to go away; being fed up with it.

Sometimes children wean themselves. Some women wean due to the pressure and negativity surrounding sustained breastfeeding. Others become closet feeders, feeding in secret to avoid being judged. Sometimes even medical advice is inaccurate - mothers are put on to medication that is incompatible with breastfeeding, despite a safe alternative being available, or mothers are told they must wean for surgery, instead of expressing for the necessary duration and resuming the breastfeeding relationship when it's safe. Too often I hear stories at breastfeeding association meetings of mothers who visit a doctor because they have health problems and are told "first of all you need to wean" before the problems are even investigated, let alone identified.

I dream of a world where we don't impose our ideas on others, where women are given all the facts on breastfeeding, and none of the myths. Where the decision to wean is left to mother and child, where it belongs. Where we support women and children to continue their breastfeeding relationship as long as they want.
Linda McIver is a Melbourne writer.

I wanted to put a picture to correspond with the blog, and for a second there, I wanted to put a photo of naked breasts!! But nah, I don't want to arouse perverts!

Where are you?

I haven't been able to blog recently partly due to work and mainly too pre-occupied with my reading. I have read 2 books since I came back from holiday. In addition, the weather makes it hard to do anything else except wanting to snuggle comfortably under the warm quilt with Big Elf. I'm so glad winter is officially over now. No more freezing cold in the morning. I will inform you all once I finish blogging about my Japan trip. =) Bear with me please...

I have also been deeply saddened by the disappearance of a friend. I received an SMS from my best friend informing me of our ex-classmate from school who went on a solo hike at the Glacier National Park in Montana, US and has not return since. He was due to return a week later as planned but had not contacted the family since. I have mentioned the incident many times and I don't really want to repeat anymore as it causes me to be in distress. However, you can easily follow the news from the link here.

For those who know who I'm talking about, his name is Yi Jien and you can read Yi Jien's mum's response towards the situation.

What I'd really like to blog about is how Yi Jien has been a part of my life. Like so many others, every handshake is planned by God and this I have held on and believed to be true throughout most of my life.

Yi Jien's father, the late Rev. Hwa Chien used to pastor my church and our family came closer to the Lord through him. My family has been one family that was so spiritually fragile at one point and it was a great opportunity to seize to bring us together as a family to know the Lord better and to be held and bonded together in Christ. Rev. Hwa Chien took up the mission and held us under his wings by mentoring us particularly my brother and my dad. His love and concern for us was so strong that when he left Sitiawan to move to Seremban, he entrusted us to another leader of the church and to hold her accountable in order to watch, guide and pray for our vulnerable state. My family was balancing on a brink as one after another family issues emerged and it could either destroy or pull the family together.

We were forever grateful when Pastor Hwa Chien (we used to address him as pastor rather than reverend then) dedicated time for my brother who used to be a rascal at school to mould him and to lead him to the right direction and most importantly to make him feel accepted even to an outsider. I was young then, so that was what I understood from what I saw. Every evening, Pastor Hwa Chien would come to our house, riding his old motorcycle to fetch my brother. We entrusted my brother to him, so none of us questioned my brother what the 'escapade' was about or how it went. I do not know if my brother was a changed person overnight, but I do know that the Lord has a hold on him and His words will remain in my brother through Pastor's help. This I know, because I too experience the same counselling from Pastor albeit briefly.

I lost hope in life at one point, much to the point of ending my life. I caused so much griefs and pain to my family that when Yi Jien went missing, I could totally identify with what his family went through. Only difference is, my family was not as spiritually strong in the Lord as Yi Jien's mum and wife are now. Their strength is admirable, and this is what knowing the Lord does to people. Without knowing the Lord, we have no hope and without hope, there is nothing to hold onto.

For many years, I have been struggling with my past experiences. Although I am still not ready to share every detail of it, I am glad that I have found courage to be able to encourage and help others with my story.

I too, went missing for 15 days. My case was totally different of that with Yi Jien as mine was a choice made solely by myself whereas Yi Jien's missing was all supernatural which is beyond his expectation. For me, it was definitely this experience that shaped who I am today, something ugly which God had turned into something beautiful. My family experience turmoil like never before thinking they have lost me forever. But in hindsight, this commotion set my family to a stronger relationship with the Lord and a better understanding who God is. This is definitely God's grace and mercy divinely shown to us at that juncture of our lives.

In the middle of the ordeal however, I did come back. I was then sent (much to my parents disinclination) to stay with Pastor Hwa Chien, Aunty Kim Guat (whom I dearly love and adore), Yi Jien and his brother and sister in Seremban. My parents trusted Pastor Hwa Chien and his family to look after me and to counsel me like how they did to my brother before. I don't remember how long I stayed with them but I knew it wasn't long. Pastor Hwa Chien and Aunty Kim Guat was not able to watch me 24 hours a day, so understandably, Yi Jien took up the responsibility to accompany me as it was also school holidays then.

I never thought much about Yi Jien throughout school days, except he was more immature than me. As far as I know, he was never a bad boy. More often than not, he was always targeted by bullies in class and I always hated it when the bullies started picking on him. I could never do anything but watch. I felt for him and wished he would stand up for himself. Amazingly, he always managed to deter the bullies from pursuing him. He would take it all and not fight back, perhaps exchanging a word or two, but never more. He knew it was pointless. Yi Jien was very tall even for his age, yet he was so sloppy. Always loved to drag his feet when he walked and he hunched badly. Probably he wanted to be standing equally in height with the rest who were never up to his stature.

So there I was, all messed up as a person and I was entrusted to Yi Jien. He took me to pin bowling, and taught me how to bowl. He was good I must say and we played a game or two. I excused myself in the shopping centre to go to the toilet, and when I came out, he was there waiting for me. He must have followed me to the toilet! He must have thought I will go missing again and he must have listened to Aunty Kim Guat, to not lose sight of me. I doubt he understood what I went through at that point, yet he seemed to be responsible enough for me. He was sensitive enough with my fragile emotions and he didn't ask any question. He was just there as a friend and cheering me up.

For a long time, I couldn't forgive myself for what I did to this family. I ran away from this family and away from my family the second time. My family entrusted me to this family yet, I have caused them to fail my family. Of course, my family knew it wasn't their fault, but they felt responsible for me and were sorry for what happened.

One of my greatest regret today is that I never had a chance to apologize to this family and now that Pastor Hwa Chien has gone to be with the Lord, I wished I was bold enough and mature enough to apologize earlier. I am still waiting for Yi Jien to come out alive, so that I have a chance to apologize to him. The Hwa family may have already forgiven and forgotten about the whole incident, but it meant so much to me to ask for forgiveness. For Pastor Hwa Chien, I will never forget that time, when the whole incident was finally and truly over, he came back to Sitiawan and ministered to me and my family. He knelt down in front of me and asked that I let go of my past and severe all ties to my past. He then prayed with me. I couldn't bear for someone as highly respected as him to be so humble and to go down on his knees with me to ask for forgiveness from our father in heaven. It was heartbreaking to have to go through that. It was totally an overwhelming experience for me. The rest was up to me to allow God to heal and change me.

I want to take this opportunity to apologize to Aunty Kim Guat, for loving me, for forgiving me and for shedding your precious tears for me. I didn't deserve it at all and I want to thank you and your family because you all definitely impacted my life and many others too.

Overstated Opulence

I started using mobile phones 10 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I really dislike using them especially during those days when my dad will call me for a thousand times a day for no apparent reason. Those were the days when I was still single and available. Now that I'm married, he has accepted the fact that I'm no longer his little girl and he doesn't need to check on me, as my husband has taken over that protective role. Thank goodness, Big Elf doesn't call me often to harass me. I am very excited as I recently got a new mobile phone.. and the BEST part of it all, is it's FREE!! Don't ask me how, it's complicated, but LEGAL!!

I know some people who change phones to keep up with the trend, and it can happen as often as once a year, maybe less. I cannot imagine how some people do that, except for good reasons such as fortuitously losing their phones. Getting a phone is really no different from buying a car. It's just ridiculous to spend so much money on something that depreciates ever so rapidly. Yet, people still find it a sumptuous idea to own chic and high-tech stuffs. I find it annoying, seriously!

I remember once my girlfriends and I were walking towards our car in a parking lot. We walked pass a really cool car, according to one of my girlfriends. She just went all fanatical about it and wished she owns a car like that, a sports car mind you, so surely it's costly. Ironically, I don't even know the name of the car. I looked at the car and I was flabbergasted. Gosh, is she blind (no hard feelings), the car is even smaller than my Toyota Corolla, with just 2 seats!! Who else can sit in the car, other than the driver and obviously his or her partner. In addition, it is also predisposedly bigoted towards people who are really big size, in other words FAT! It's a ludicrious design and a total waste of money because it can't fit everyone. I bet the only reason people buy is to feed their massive ego in them. Period!

Same like clothings, what is the difference between a 100% cotton tee shirt from a cheap store and one from Armani (sorry, I just simply yell out an expensive brand). You still wear them, wash them, dry them and fold them the same way. Oh sorry, of course psychologically when you know it's branded and expensive, you give it special treatments like dry clean them instead of throwing them in the washing machine and hang them up in a hotel-room-type of hangar with all your other expensives clothes. Perhaps I am insensitive to the feel underneath these tee, but seriously, I don't think I can tell the difference between real cottons from different brands. So, stop the nonsense in telling me that there is a difference because there is NO difference, you moron. They are still 100% cotton!

Oh well, I guess I cannot impose on people to buy things that I think are worthwhile. Personally, I wouldn't spend my money on these things unless it's FREE!! I don't deny the fact that having own these luxury make you feel good, but they don't last. If you cannot feel contented with one, you will never feel contented because these things will replace itself and you will have to keep "wasting" money to keep up for the excuse of "feeling good".

Ok ok.. let's go back to my point. I was talking about my new mobile phone and I was reflecting on all the mobile phones I've used in the past.


My first mobile phone. At that time, there was this guy who was totally obsessed with me that he had to buy me this phone in order to talk to me. Well, of course I accepted, it was cheap for him and FREE for me! I did have a phone after this one, but in less than a month, I lost it at.. who knows where. I am hopeless with things. Yet another reason why I don't buy expensive stuffs, because I will lose it, trust me. I'm very good at that!


Leanne my ex-flatmate borrowed me this phone when I came to Sydney. She had an extra phone and bless her for borrowing me this phone when I didn't have money to get a phone. Well, not really I just didn't want to waste money on buying a mobile phone then.

Just after I moved out, I returned the phone to Leanne. Then after I got married, Big Elf and I went scouting for phones. I had a chance to get a really nice phone, yet I wasn't interested. So I settled for the cheapest prepaid phone ie the above for only $69 including $10 credit in calls. Again, my talent showed and I lost it (told ya I'm good at that), only this time I knew where I lost it. I lost it at Coles Supermarket in Leichhardt!! I don't even want to start with this. I left it at the magazine section and there was a camera right above it. Yet, when I spoke to someone there, no one can tell me anything about it, they just gave me empty promises that they will check the recording and then decided not to get back to me.

I was so reluctant to get another phone as I'm tired of losing phones. Yet, Big Elf was genuinely concern should I get into trouble and I'm uncontactable. So, ok, we got me another phone. I went for another of the cheapest phone ie the above for only $79 including $10 credit of calls. Phone is alright, except I hate the monophonic ring tone and the annoying alert sound when you on or off the phone. Just imagine, I simply can't discreetly off my phone say in the middle of watching a movie in the cinema. It's just a totally absurb feature! Thank God, I didn't lose this one. I still have it as a spare.

And alas, my latest phone, Nokia 6300. I must re-iterate the fact that I got this for FREE!!! So, not a single cent wasted. I really pray that I won't lose the phone this time. Arghh, a paranoia which I dread.

Want to be happy? Don't have kids!

I am battling within myself over this issue. I've tried to come out with a good, practical and sensible reason to have kids, other than God's ordinance. Not that I have anything against people having kids, nor the kids themselves. In fact, I love kids, correction, I love babies. As I re-visit this issue, I want to confess, there isn't a single day which pass without me giving a good thought about it. Whenever we ask couples who have children, fundamental questions like why have children, almost always we get this answer quite unequivocally; it's very rewarding.

I have personally pondered over this word, "rewarding" over and over again. What does it mean by that? Rewarding in what manner? What will children give us? What will do they for us? This life alone have enough problems by itself, can children alleviate them? I also hear that children bring much joy to us, in what sense?

Finally, an article in the newspaper came to my attention. The headings read exactly like the title of this blog. Harvard University psychology professor Daniel gilbert talked about marriage first, how it was marriage that will make us happy and not money. Then he moved on to state that children will only make us sadder, in fact, the more children we have, the sadder we are likely to be. He continued on by stating that studies in the US and European over the past 10 to 15 years showed people's happiness did spike while they were expecting a baby, but it sharply plummeted after the child was born. It takes another big hit when the child reaches adolescence and finally our happiness will only come back to us when the child grow up and go away. To me, I guess that only happens provided that the child does well in life and does not give the parents any problems or worries.

The one analogy Professor Gilbert gave, somewhat answered my question on the meaning of the word "rewarding". He compared having kids to buying a pair of Armani socks. When people own them, they can't stop teling you they are the best socks, the most amazing socks. Perhaps, the reason for that is because they paid almost a hundred bucks for it. Surely, it must be a good socks, no doubt about it!

So true. You wouldn't want anything bad to occur after your purchase, would you? Especially if it involves so much money! Surely, psychology play a role here. Because you invested so much effort, energy, money, time, attention, blood and tears to have children, surely, they must bring us some joy or happiness. As Professor Gilbert puts it, what kind of idiots would we be to devote all of that to the rearing of our young if they'd didn't bring us some happiness??

In fact, this is a point of no return if we have kids. It's not like purchasing something and keep it if satisfactory. We can undo the making of kids. We have no choice but to accept it for all its worth. If they are good kids, perhaps you'll say it's all worth it. What if they are brats, rascals, disobedient and hopeless bunch of kids? How can they be worth it?

Then when the arguments not winning, people bring in religion. That it's a blessing to have children? What kind of blessing can that be when all your kids give you is nothing but heartache?

Well, perhaps, that satisfy my question of how rewarding can children be? If you think about it, that is actually not the right word to use, especially if their children are a handful. You can only use that word, when you reach an old age, having raised good and successful in their own ways kids. Not when your kids are still crawling. With this, I came to a conclusion that when people say all the good things about their children, it all boils down to this; ownership. This is also the very basic instinct of survivalship.

People made children themselves (with God's help, of course!), so it's quite an achievement to finally own someone of your flesh and blood. You would protect anything that's of your ownership, you would say all sorts of nice things of everything you own. Else, you wouldn't own them. Everything you own, must be good and perfect in your eyes.

Finally, my point of view on how kids affect our happiness, is slightly different than the mentioned article. Happiness is a choice. Kids don't make it worse nor better. I do agree kids can make it worse, if they are little rascals. But if you have good children, they are really to die for. Raising kids is challenging, especially if you want to produce good kids. But hey, what isn't challenging in this life?

Therefore, I shall wait and let God intervene. If He's willing, we will get a child soon. Else, it shouldn't make any difference to our happiness now.

Anger management

I am an angry person as always dubbed by my husband as 'angry elf'. I'm not sure if I have been this way all my life or has it just gone worse over the years. My problem is I can react or respond aggresively when I'm angry or even sheer annoyance too can cause me behave that way. It seems like I'm a totally different person whenever anger evoked in me. Since I cannot lash out my anger at the problem in public, hence I redirect all my anger to hubby. My anger has in fact gone out of control and is turning destructive, leading to marriage problem. Thank goodness, hubby endured this problem of mine with lots of patience and has confronted me in dealing with anger before it's too late.

What makes me angry? Things such as ruined plans, unco-operative people, traffic jams, losing things of value and etc. I quote this from a website talking about controlling anger.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low
tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not
have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't
take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation
seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake. What
makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or
physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy,
and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age.
Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught
that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to
express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it
constructively. Research has also found that family background plays a role.
Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive,
chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

For my case, it definitely has to be family background, and guess what, my dad is a totally angry person and does not know how to express himself well. Hence, his anger is uncontrollable and often involves violence. Time and again, hubby always remind me of my dad when I'm angry, scary he says. If I don't like the way my dad is when he's angry, hubby can totally identify with that, as I'm placing him in the same situation. Speaking of which, my brother and my sister are all the same too, all angry people.

It's funny that the article also mentioned this:

Logic defeats anger,because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become
irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world
is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of
daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll
help you get a more balanced perspective.

So true! I'm not a good communicator, so when I'm angry, I don't get my reasoning across right. There was once (only once), when I shouted at hubby because I couldn't make him stop advising me. There he was trying to calm me down, and because I couldn't think logically, I just lost it. Whenever things go wrong, I keep telling myself, that God is unfair to me! Exactly the same line of thinking as though the world is out there to get me.

What got me to blog about anger management was something that happened recently until today. I lost my hubby's wedding band. How?? You must be asking, isn't your husband wearing the ring? To give you a little background to that whole ring issue, I will have to go as far back as to our wedding.

We were getting married, so of course every wedding or marriage needs a "symbol" to remind us of our love for each other. So we got the rings. Even then, problems already existed with the whole ring ordeal. Firstly, hubby knew it will be a hard time adjusting to wearing accessory daily. Secondly, we cannot decide on what colour ie gold or white gold. When he gave me the engagement ring, it was in gold because he said he would prefer a gold ring (all his brothers wear gold, so he wants to follow suit!) for the wedding band. Hence, I chose gold for the diamond ring so as to go with the wedding band later on. When the time came to choose the wedding band, we found out that he suits silver colour better ie white gold. I had to accept a white gold to go with my diamond ring so as to have a matching wedding band. An annoyance I had to bear. Thirdly, after the church ceremony, he announced to the world (during dinner reception) that he forgot to wear the wedding ring. Something I forgave easily as we were newly married, surely you are not use to wearing the ring yet. Fourthly, he shows you how 'important' the ring is by simply placing the ring everywhere, even to the extent that he left it on his desk at work. Then, as time passed, it's been 2 years since we got married, and I can count the number of times he wore the ring. Even then, I had to make him wear it. We eventually striked a deal, that I should allow him not to wear it on weekdays, and in return he will wear it on weekends (have you ever known of such couple doing this sort of bargaining?!).

Finally, I have had enough. If he's not wearing it, I will store it away and he will have a hard time looking for it. True enough, my words came to pass. I have since kept it somewhere, even I don't know where I kept it. It's been two days and we were both frantically searching for it but it's no where to be seen. Because of this, I have been moody and angry. I was searching for it, because I still want to keep it as my treasure, but he was searching for it not because of the ring, but knowing that it will cheer me up and make me happy again. He cannot tolerate me being so affected as it affects him deeply as well.

So really, what hubby said was true. In fact, there are many reasons why I didn't have to be angry over this matter. Reasons which I have just explained. I should just have a cognitive restructuring (as proposed by the website) that is to change my thinking over this ring. As much as it's a symbol, it's only still a symbol. What matters more is my husband, as he puts it, well and alive, beside me.

We have been so good for some time now, and he really treasures these happy times. In fact, I'm loving my husband more and more now. I will have to make a conscious effort to control my anger and to remind myself, being angry will not mend things. I wouldn't trade hubby for anyone. He is such a wonderful man. I pray that God will help me deal with my emotions. Please pray for me.

Lesson learnt the hard way

I mentioned I will be having a garage sale. Well, the garage sale was this morning, and I would have to say, it went just ok. Had to wake up early to prepare and set up my "stall". Since I don't really have a garage, I had to bring all my goods to the nearby park and sell it there. I had to abide to the rules that I cannot obstruck pedestrians' pathway, so I tried to set up my stuffs as conveniently as possible on the kerb for pedestrians. Although I think I have lots of items to be sold, to many others, my items are really sap sap sui (literal translation: nothing huge). My items include clothings (lots of them), some cooking utensils, bags, shoes, jewelleries, a bedcover and etc. This is just to give you a rough picture of some of the items I was selling.

So I started out early, went around putting up posters. As this was a community initiative program which the council organised, I didn't have to go around advertising my garage sale. My posters are more for directing people to come to my garage sale. So, after that part's done, I woke hubby up to help me move all the goods to the nearby park. I must say, it was tough for him. Poor hubby, had to wake up early and help me move everything while I set up and arrange the items on the ground. Anyway, to cut the long story short, my position of holding the garage sale wasn't the most strategic. There were barely many people passing by, although a few did come, thanks to the advertisement in the local newspaper.

In all, I am most proud of myself for picking up the courage to hold a garage sale. It involved a lot of work and I was exhausted by the end of it. The preparation leading to the garage sale also took much effort. It wasn't easy doing it, especially all alone. Hubby was good enough to help me but he's not the kind who will meet people and sell them stuffs. I didn't earn as much as I would like. Clothings didn't sell as well as I thought, most probably due to one huge problem; Andrew and I are both small framed. Who would fit into our clothes?? Hence, I will donate all the clothes to Salvation Army.

One valuable lesson I learnt from today is to NEVER collect and/or buy anything that will eventually end up being a clutter. Although it's easier said that done, people will inevitably succumb to temptation. So, I can only try to be extremely aware and careful of what I buy in the future, only things I need, not want. Even if it's a want, I will make sure it's in good use. Otherwise, everything else is a total WASTE of money. Imagine, if I didn't buy and collect all those stuffs, I would have been at least several hundred bucks richer than I am today. A total waste of money and time and effort when we misuse our money in the wrong way.

If queer is alright, incest will be fine too!

I came across this news last week about an incestrous relationship between a father and a daughter. To make things worst, they actually had 2 children before. One was born many years ago, but died a few days after because of a congenital heart defect. Something you would expect out of incestrous relationship. That is part of God's ingenous plan by making it known to the world that incest is wrong. Yes, of course God is all good, but surely without God making it right, nothing would turn out to be right, as is the devil's making.

The news made a huge impact across the country. To many, it was disgusting. People were shocked at it. I shall not go dwelling into what they said to the press nor their lifestyle, but it was absolutely sickening. What I find even more appaling is, there's a minority group of people who are starting to sympatize at the amount of anger and disgust lashed at this father and daughter. The media even felt compelled to help them. Compassionate is surely not wrong, but to be compassionate at something which is purely wrong, is intolerable.

Although incest is not as hugely publicised as gays, they were actually recorded to happen around the same time as gays in the book of bible, Genesis, where Lot slept with his daughters, just after they ran away from a horde of gays, trying to rape Lot's guest ie God's angel.

I remember having a discussion in a forum where someone vehemently tried to protect gay's right and laid down her opinions on why she thinks gay relationships ain't wrong. I must say, she is acting liberal, but is it really right? We have many sources from history which is against same sex relationship but to say outright that it's right, isn't right. Who are we to condemn them? Of course we are nobody, but if no one condemns the wrong, the world is doom to be at its end. Because people's compassion and empathy were demonstrated in the wrong ways, gays relationship became as profound as ever, and more widely accepted than 30 years ago.

I can truly forsee that the same will become of incest. Soon, skeletons will come out of the closet. The same cycle as it did for gays, will be repeated all over again for incest. They will gain people's support or empathy or whatever ridiculous term you may apply here. They will be accepted in the society and given as much condonement as the gays. Personally, I will be surprised to see pro-gays condemn incest. Perhaps, you should look into the mirror before you start condemning incest.

What is life?

Gosh.. I sound like I'm facing midlife crisis. Perhaps I am. I cannot help but wonder what life is all about sometimes. If you are searching for happiness, spiritualist will tell you, God is joy.. perhaps I haven't really found it, perhaps I did for a little while, but now I've lost it. Not that I'm doubting God, in fact I know full well God's existence. But who is He really?


If only life is all about what I want, not needing to feel guilty about it in any manner. I cannot explain how I feel exactly. I just feel absolutely restrained. I used to think that life is all about having the things you strive and work so hard for, material things like a house, a car, a stable income, a husband, children, career.. evidently, these are what keep you going in this life, enough to survive in this world..

I don't really have a point for my blogging this time round. Just full of questions, that's all... bear with me..

Reality or imaginary?

Sometimes, I really have to smack myself around to wake me up from living in an imaginary world. It does not exist, only in my thoughts. I've always loved to write stories or even do screenwriting. But my language is too poor and I can hardly express myself..

Wasn't it supposed to be TGIF? Part 2

I am not someone who has a lot of patience. I can choose to be patient on certain things, but at times like these, I can just flip. The next day ie Saturday, I had a wondrous mood to clean up the house. When my mood is affected in that manner, I just loved to clean up the house. Eventually, I not only cleaned the house, I did a makeover too. 2 years living under this roof, same furniture, same arrangement, same way of cleaning. Time for a change I thought. Of course I didn't replace the furnitures but I rearrange some of them. I asked Andrew to leave the house so I can do things my way and my space without hindrance. So, he went out for shopping. 3 hours later, Andrew came home to almost a new and nice place and we were both glad again. It felt like a therapy to me!

So, I spent the later part of the afternoon just surfing the net. It was pretty tiring cleaning up the house, so I wanted to just sit and not move around anymore. I must say, I still cannot get over Lydia Shum's death. For those of you who don't know who she is, she is an entertainer ie actress, comedian and singer from Hong Kong and was much loved by everyone who watches her show. She was in the showbiz for 40 years and most asian chinese know her. She's only 62 and is survived by her only daughter, Joyce. I stumbled upon her blog and read an entry of hers. She's only 21 but she is definitely the most mature 21 year old I've ever known, judging from her manner, and particularly during the memorial service for her mum. Her father was verbally attacked by a close friend of the mother's, asking him what part has he played in the daughter's life all these while. I've attached the video clip below.



Anyway, to cut the whole story short, she was reviewing the movie "Evan Almighty" and wrote that the line which struck her was when Morgan Freeman who played God said “Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”

Wow, it took me a good minute or two to let that phrase sink in and how it applied to the ordeal on Friday. We always ask from God, yet we thought we never receive. But have we ever realized that God actually was wanting to give us what we ask, but in ways we never expect to receive. Hence, people who never learned through the "hard" way, will never have claimed to receive what they asked for. Andrew, being the wise man he is, did try to alleviate my stress by explaining the same analogy to me, just that it didn't hit as hard as I was not thinking straight. So, mum was right too, that we have to thank and praise the Lord at all circumstances. Indeed, Romans 8:28 says,"God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God".

Praise the Lord

It has been a good week since Uncle's surgery. Uncle has since been recovering well and yesterday, dad called to say uncle's report was out. The cancer cells did not spread and uncle may not even have to succumb to chemotherapy. We are still waiting on doctor's decision on that.

God has been so amazing to our family. Without Him, we would have been like lost sheeps, without direction, without hope, without light. We may not be perfect, but we surely have God on our side. The only thing I'm so proud of my family is that they all know the Lord and have accepted Christ as their Saviour and Lord. We are heading the right direction.

On a different note, got a surprise gift today from a colleague to thank me for helping doing so well and helping out so much in the lab. I like the chocolates and the wrapping in particular. I got the same present before (remember the green present?) and I feel bad that it's not reciprocal. I should get something for my colleague as well. Alrighty, will write more in the future.

Our responsibilities

Just an update on Uncle Lawrence. The surgery went well although doctor had to remove 90% of his stomach. We only pray that the cancer cells have not spread to other organs.

If you were wondering who Uncle Lawrence is to me, he is my father's brother. We used to live in one big house, with 17 family members, 4 sets of families ie 4 brothers and their respective families and 2 unmarried aunts. My dad is the oldest, who has 3 children, then Uncle Lawrence who has 1 child, followed by Uncle Steven, who has 3 children, then Uncle Louis and my two single aunties. So, you do the math (do include all the wives as well).

My dad's family have been living together in the same house since they were born. So, you can imagine how bonded we are, as a family. Everyone in my hometown have always been in awed with the fact that my family lives together. It was only until all my uncle's children in the family grows up and needs their own room did my dad decide to move out.

Not having any of my family members there in any occasion, seems odd. There are times when I thought that my family were too closely knitted that the 4 immediate families and 2 aunties tend to cross their boundaries on personal issues encountered by any one families. Hm.. my family's relationship is a little complicated to understand. Anyway, we are seriously close, that's my point.

When I first heard of the news about my uncle Lawrence, it immediately brought me back to the memories of losing a dearest family member, that is my paternal grandfather. My grandpa and I were close as we lived together too, and I always knew I was special in his eyes as I was his favourite. He passed at 69. His death brought so much pain to me then. I was 12. My maternal grandma passed away when I was 18. I was not as close to my grandma as she lived much further away. I was a pity that I wasn't as close to her as I was to my grandpa. After her death, I regretted that I never get to know her better.

When I was young, I never knew how to love, not until I got so much older. This is the time when loved ones should be cherish and not be taken granted for. I only thank God that my family is saved and I can be certained that they will meet God one day in heaven when God calls them home. But I surely will miss them. Even now, I realised these fun and enjoyable times with family will end rather soon, as everyone ages.

However, I do believe we can ask God to grant us good health and live till old age. Matthew 7:7 says "Ask and it shall be given". This is God's promise to us. But do we have responsibilities on our part? Of course we do. We need to also be a good steward of our health. We need to do all it takes to ensure a good health. I am a scientist yet, many a times I am in awe with how God created our bodies. Some people may say, it's all in your genes. Yes, but God is a genious maker. For instance, I learnt that eventhough certain diseases are caused by genes as detected by testing, but it can be polymorphism which does not produce any syndrome nor indication of the disease. In other words, that person is basically normal and healthy. Even cancer, God gives us a second chance if we are careful with our diet and lifestyle. Of course, these doesn't account for all the genetic diseases. It's sad that some person doesn't seem to have a "second chance" at all. But who are we to question God. God can give, God can also take away.

But for those who are without any sickness or illness, be responsible over your health.

Update on Uncle Lawrence

Uncle Lawrence underwent gastrectomy this afternoon. Doctors had to operate on him in order to do staging. Apparently doctor said it's stage 3. We were all gobsmacked by the news. It was totally shocking, although most stomach cancer diagnosis is made at advance stages. Ironically there isn't any symptoms leading to stomach cancer. Apparently, stomach cancer isn't genetic but rather due to diet and environment.

Please continue praying for him. He is only 51 and has a 10 year old daughter.

He is the most helpful uncle and always is a sport. He loves to organise trips and will go all out to help family members. Without him, there's really not much fun in the family anymore. He does mean alot to everyone. I just realised that all my family members mean so much to me. It would be horrible to lose any of them, but we should all know and accept the fact that we will leave this world someday, somehow. The world is not to be called our own.

Prayer and Petition

Today, I received a sad news. My uncle Lawrence was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma in the stomach. Although it is sad and discouraging, but we all should realize that this world is just a stepping stone to another destination. In my belief, this destination is called heaven. We are all saved by faith and grace, as long as we believe that Jesus, the son of God who died to pay for our sins. I know many sceptics who will refute that, but I'm just wondering, if they cannot come up with something better for me to believe in, then they might as well not counter and dash one's hope.

Anyway, this news just made me realized that nothing in this world matters. Of course, even if we take good care of ourselves, we will still die one day. No one lives forever in this world. We can only live to our fullest, with the time frame we have.

Dear Jesus, Divine Physician and Healer of the Sick, we turn to You in this
time of illness. 0 dearest Comforter of the Troubled, alleviate our worry and
sorrow with Your gentle love, and grant us the grace and strength to accept this
burden. Dear God, we place our worries in Your hands. We place our sick under
Your care and humbly ask that You restore Your servant to health again. Above
all, grant us the grace to acknowledge Your holy will and know that whatsoever
You do, You do for the love of us.
Amen.

http://www.jimfeeney.org/powerofhealingprayers.html

It's about them, not you!

It's been 18 months since I got married. Doesn't sound like it's been too long, but it seems forever to me. Probably because we are so used to each other now, that the thought of having to start another relationship all over again sounds scary not to mention tiring. We are still growing as a couple, much to learn from and about each other. When we first got married, I asked hubby when should we have kids. He said, probably in 2-3 years time. I must admit, at the back of my mind I feel that it's a long wait. But as all wives should, I submit to husband's wish. Of course, every now and then, I tried to talk him into it, but he was adamant. Hence, I've decided to just leave it all to God. I don't want to take matters into my own hand. I want things to happen when we both are in agreement to have kids, and God shall intervene when the right time comes.

Today, I must say I am grateful that I did not pursue the matter and did not deliberately try to have babies. I truly enjoyed all the times we had together. We went places and enjoyed each other's company immensely. As our relationship grew stronger, I began to question myself why did I want babies so much? The only reaons I can come up with, it feels great to have a baby, everyone wants to have a glimpse of my baby, everyone wants to hold the baby, and I of course get to hold and cuddle and kiss my baby every minute I want, unlike other people's babies where there are restrictions and boundaries with their babies. After all, their babies are their "property". Then throughout the 9 months of carrying the baby, everyone will be asking about you and the baby, and everyone who come across the news of you having a baby seems to be so thrilled and happy for you. What a proud and nice feeling it must be.

Then one day, as I was on the way to work, listening to Kyle and Jackie'O show on MixFM, they mentioned about a scenario whereby there was this couple trying to have a baby, but were devastated with the news that the wife was diagnosed with cancer and has only about 2 years to live. The question was whether or not, the couple should continue trying for a baby knowing that the child may not have a mother. Kyle, being the practical one disagreed with the couple trying to conceive and he said this which really struck me "having a child is not about you, it's about them".

All these while, I have been wanting babies for my own sake, not even thinking on behalf of the child. I have been very foolish to think that we will sort things out when the baby comes, need not worry for now. However, this realization really hit me hard in the head. Having kids is all about them, everything revolves around the kids. Everything we do is for the child's sake. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but this is reality. It's not about giving birth too, it's all about parenthood.

With regards to the scenario given, conceiving and givng birth to the baby is easy. They may feel contented and absolutely joyful for a while, but will it last? The mother may not live long enough to see the child grow, and what if the husband finds someone else, and have their own children. What will happen to this child then? The child will be the one to bear all the consequences and live with it for the rest of his/her life as a result of his/her parent's decision in bringing him/her into this world.

Having said all these, I still think children completes a family. My point is that being parents is not an easy task and it takes everything to bring up your children, but if the couple is not ready, they should be given all the time to prepare themselves, otherwise it will be unfair to the child. I shall end here with a very cute photo of a newborn baby, what a beautiful sight of a new life!

I must be crazy now..

Believe it or not, for the past two days, I have been reading RPK's blog non-stop. I got so addicted to all the juicy news about Malaysia. Things that I've heard and suspected but never really read in depth. This new information really shed much light to my whole view of Malaysian government and it's people.

I am not racist, although my husband says I tend to be bias with people with dark skin. It is not true! I have some Indian and Malay good friends... arhh, well not many now, I have one in uni but we haven't been keeping in touch, so that probably leaves me to none now. Nonetheless, you cannot put me in the racist category because Sydney is such a metropolitan city and you are bound to meet all sorts of people from all corners of the world. So, I have maintained some good friendships with them.

The thing that is intriguing is that I am getting more and more interested in politics. I don't hate Malaysia, but I certainly hated the system that affected my life. I can name plenty but I will just settle for the education for now. One saying which I like best is "I was born smart, but education ruined me". How germane! I can see this heading towards a controversial post now.

I won't go write my heart out on this but I am truly and utterly disappointed with how the education works in Malaysia. Not just the kiasu syndrome prevails in Singapore, but Malaysia also. Perhaps for similar reason. Let me explain why I say that. I was over in Melbourne for a short holiday and I was with some relatives. I chanced upon the opportunity to look at some report cards of the relatives' kids from school. I am absolutely impressed with how teachers here actually pay so much attention to their students. Every report card details the progress and/or improvement of the child. The only downside is everything is written down in a very politically correct way. Nothing debasing or discouraging. But at least it's good enough for parents to know what to expect of their child and work from there.

Of course the next thing I will do is to make a direct comparison how the teachers write their student's report cards in Malaysia. I remember vividly how several teachers were flabbergasted by how talkative my brother was at school and because they could not find anything else to say at the end of every school term, the only remarks they wrote on the report card was "Cakap banyak dalam kelas" (very talkative in class). Period!

What is that suppose to mean? What do you want the parents to do? They send the children to school only to be told that their kids are talkative in class? How does it help?

Then, this is what I loathe most. There is this positioning system which inevitably forces students to fight for their 'life' just to get top 10, or top 5 or 3 in the whole standard/form. I can't see the whole point of having this "fighting spirit" instilled in children from as young as age 7 (that's the first year of schooling in Malaysia). Whenever I ask my cousins how are they coping with studies. Their reply would be "a lot of pressure". I asked them why because learning is supposed to be fun and not pressuring. They say, they have to "fight" to get top 3. That's because they have been in top 3 for several years now. I was appalled by this attitude that has been so infused in them. How I wish they can tell me, school is fun, and they love this subject or that subject. That reaction was the least I expected of them. But of course I understand what they are going through. I have been there and done that. Strived hard as I did, but in secondary school, I never come close to being in any top 10 let alone top 5 or 3.

These kids should really be given a break and be encouraged to excel in what they are good at. It is not easy to be an all-rounder, but at least they are given a chance to discover what they like and what they are good at.

Next, I had some pretty hard time when I started working in Sydney. Now, I come from science background and I am working in a molecular biology field. But believe it or not, everything I learnt from school, from secondary schools to university, didn't help a single bit. I had to practically re-learn everything from scratch. Ok, I am exaggerating a little, it did help like 10 percent. I know what cells are, I know what's in a cell, I know what DNA is. So what? I don't have much clue when all these things put together. Then it struck me that, I actually studied and passed my exams out of memory. Which is why I don't remember anything from school after so many years!!! For students like me, the reason why we don't do well, is because there wasn't much practicallity in what we study. We were "forced" to understand it and when we don't we resort to memorizing. Other students did extremely well because either they are genius, or they receive help from parents/families. I did receive help on English from my mum, and some maths from my aunts. Which is why I scored As in English and Maths. But the rest, I managed to pull it through, thanks to my photographic memory (my husband says I have a memory like an elephant) lest I fail.

I totally agree with RPK in one particular post. Malaysia loves to set a system, and everyone is expected to follow. They are expected to follow the regime like a robot and are not given a chance to debate, and think out of the box. I was the unfortunate one who fell into that category of being subservient. To make matters worst, I come from a then very dictating father, never allowed a NO for an answer. As a result I was never intellectually challenged. I was and still am a pretty slow person, but I thank God I am a fast learner. I absorb things like a sponge. If this quality were nurtured from young, things would be very different for me now.

Anyway, enough said, Malaysian kids are not stupid, but the education ruined most of them. Of course I am giving the education system some benefit of a doubt with the implementation of english language in maths and science, but we'll see how it goes. I'm not dismissing the fact that there are some who are the top of the cream and succeeds regardless when they study abroad. I'm talking more for the average students like myself who are "not smart" just because we didn't score 7As for PMR, 10As for SPM and 4As for STPM (HSC equivalent).

I concur..

I normally don't like to get involved in politics and I do believe that I should keep certain opinions to myself. This post is not meant to be a succinct political condemnation but more of agreeing with one's perception. It is quite heartening to see someone so bold as to stand up for his own views and opinions, after all this is what democrazy is all about (opps, I meant democracy).

After having read some of his blogs, I must say, I do agree if not all of it, then most of what he said. The most recent article strike me when it was perceived that the chinese are cowards or the word that was used "shrunken testicles" (thank God I don't have one). It went on to say, how the chinese dares to operate everything illegal, except for one, treason.

What is the one thing every human race fight for? It is freedom. Without freedom, one is as good as dead. Now, I'm not trying to be a great writer in this issue, but my reply to the blog on why chinese are "cowards" is not because they want to be, but this is all about survival skills, isn't it? After all, they are always labelled as the hardworking and "smarter" ones. Some engaged in illegal business because that's one way of earning money and staying alive. I'm not talking about gangsterism, that's a totally different story.

Anyway, my point is malaysian chinese must realize one thing. Malaysia is not a place to call home, it is only our superficial home. As long as we hang on to the superficial home, we still have a so-called home. If the chinese loses this home, we can't go back to China. They won't want us either. Some are lucky enough to migrate to other countries but not all are that fortunate.

Hence, we are talking about survival skill here, not cowardice. But he is so right in one thing, that even after he labelled some chinese as "shrunken testicles", I don't think any of us are offended. We still embrace his opinions. We are not as sensitive till we have to defend till our very last drop of blood.