It's about them, not you!

It's been 18 months since I got married. Doesn't sound like it's been too long, but it seems forever to me. Probably because we are so used to each other now, that the thought of having to start another relationship all over again sounds scary not to mention tiring. We are still growing as a couple, much to learn from and about each other. When we first got married, I asked hubby when should we have kids. He said, probably in 2-3 years time. I must admit, at the back of my mind I feel that it's a long wait. But as all wives should, I submit to husband's wish. Of course, every now and then, I tried to talk him into it, but he was adamant. Hence, I've decided to just leave it all to God. I don't want to take matters into my own hand. I want things to happen when we both are in agreement to have kids, and God shall intervene when the right time comes.

Today, I must say I am grateful that I did not pursue the matter and did not deliberately try to have babies. I truly enjoyed all the times we had together. We went places and enjoyed each other's company immensely. As our relationship grew stronger, I began to question myself why did I want babies so much? The only reaons I can come up with, it feels great to have a baby, everyone wants to have a glimpse of my baby, everyone wants to hold the baby, and I of course get to hold and cuddle and kiss my baby every minute I want, unlike other people's babies where there are restrictions and boundaries with their babies. After all, their babies are their "property". Then throughout the 9 months of carrying the baby, everyone will be asking about you and the baby, and everyone who come across the news of you having a baby seems to be so thrilled and happy for you. What a proud and nice feeling it must be.

Then one day, as I was on the way to work, listening to Kyle and Jackie'O show on MixFM, they mentioned about a scenario whereby there was this couple trying to have a baby, but were devastated with the news that the wife was diagnosed with cancer and has only about 2 years to live. The question was whether or not, the couple should continue trying for a baby knowing that the child may not have a mother. Kyle, being the practical one disagreed with the couple trying to conceive and he said this which really struck me "having a child is not about you, it's about them".

All these while, I have been wanting babies for my own sake, not even thinking on behalf of the child. I have been very foolish to think that we will sort things out when the baby comes, need not worry for now. However, this realization really hit me hard in the head. Having kids is all about them, everything revolves around the kids. Everything we do is for the child's sake. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but this is reality. It's not about giving birth too, it's all about parenthood.

With regards to the scenario given, conceiving and givng birth to the baby is easy. They may feel contented and absolutely joyful for a while, but will it last? The mother may not live long enough to see the child grow, and what if the husband finds someone else, and have their own children. What will happen to this child then? The child will be the one to bear all the consequences and live with it for the rest of his/her life as a result of his/her parent's decision in bringing him/her into this world.

Having said all these, I still think children completes a family. My point is that being parents is not an easy task and it takes everything to bring up your children, but if the couple is not ready, they should be given all the time to prepare themselves, otherwise it will be unfair to the child. I shall end here with a very cute photo of a newborn baby, what a beautiful sight of a new life!