Depression

I think I have depression..I took a checklist on assessing if I have the illness and I answered yes to all the followings.

1. felt worthless?
2. felt sad, down and miserable most of the time?
3. lost pleasure or interest in most of your usual activities?
4. lost or gained weight OR had a decrease or increase in appetite?
5. sleep disturbance?
6. felt slowed down, restless or excessively busy?
7. felt tired or had no energy?
8. had poor concentration OR had difficulty thinking OR were very indecisive?
9. Had recurrent thoughts of death?

I am isolating myself from everyone. I want to speak to someone, but I can't do it at the same time. What really am I supposed to feel and think? I just feel so lonely and tired.

So deceiving...

The world can be so deceiving, life can be so deceiving.. I thought to myself, all these while, I must have given everyone wrong impressions about myself. Everything seems so good, and perfect, but in reality... it's not.

I've always wanted to be an actress. Because one can act in so many different roles, yet it can have no consequence. But in real life, if you start acting, consequences await. You have no choice but to be real in life and to practice honesty with ourselves and to other people.

I was never a happy child, always living in fear, although I have done nothing wrong. Then I grew up, and the same feeling still plagued me. Maybe, I should be doing something wrong, in order to justify for the feeling I keep having, that is fear and guilt. That's when I did something drastic. Although God saved me from the dungeon of hell, and everything seems to be alright now, still it's not over.

That's when I don't feel like living.