When one loses a dearest

Wind Beneath My Wings (Piano) - Instrumental

It was a Tuesday night when Andrew and I went over to Jean and Ringo's place to wish our landlady all the best with the operation she was going to undergo. At her age, it isn't a simple operation, it has to be treated as a major operation since we are talking about removing tumour from her kidney.

She looked worried but submitted her fears to our heavenly father. She said one thing, "we just have to play the cards we're dealt with in life". It was only human of her to fear about pain, the post-operation care and particularly infection in one of the oldest hospital in Sydney. Ringo ridiculed her anxiety and assured her, all will be fine. Ringo even said to us that we all leave this place, one day, may be now, may be later.

Both Andrew and I wished her a successful operation and prayed for her. We gave her a warm hug and hoped to see her again. Little did we know, it was going to be the last time, we saw her. She was only in her mid-60s.

The day after the operation, Ringo contacted us saying, the operation went smoothly and all was good. A big tumour was removed and Jean is resting. We were thrilled with the news. We were patient for her to recover and come home so we get to see her again. But on Sunday, Ringo called and I picked up. Ringo briefly mentioned to us, that Jean is on life support. I was speechless and had to gather my thoughts on what to say and feel. Ringo thought I couldn't hear him. Then I said, can we come to the hospital but to which he said no need because there are family members around. Ringo explained further that Jean had an infection and her liver failed to function. Hence the doctor had to put her in ICU on life support.

I couldn't find any words to say. We wanted to comfort him but we were too shocked to do anything. This was also the day Federer lost his 4 consecutive win in Melbourne Open to Nadal.

Soon after, a mutual neighbour came knocking at our door and urged us to go to the hospital to bid farewell just in case Jean doesn't make it. She has just gone to the hospital to see Jean. Immediately we grabbed our car key and drove to the hospital.

I couldn't contain it when I saw Jean. I couldn't hold back my tears. Just days before, she was so alive and well. Now, she's all yellow and bloated. For a human to be in this state, it's unimaginable and incomprehensible. She has been strong all her life and having undergone over 20 operations all her life, she must have had her fair share of pain.

Today, in the afternoon, Andrew called to tell me, Jean didn't make it. Tears just rolled down my cheeks when I thought of Ringo. He has been the best husband to Jean, the most hard working man, a provider and supporter for Jean. He has not left her side since day one of the hospital stay. He checked into the hospital too, if I may say it that way.

We visited Ringo after dinner and he looked busy and tired and obviously distraught. He told us he cried the whole day and has no appetite for any food. Thank goodness, Jean's best friend came and made him some dinner, otherwise we would have offered to cook something for him. Again, as I looked at the familiar house and chair which Jean was always resting, I was literally sobbing. I couldn't bear to think that Ringo is going to be all alone now, without his life companion. As we live just behind them, it makes us feel as though we are family and even more we felt for his loss.

Every other morning, we would hear Jean's laughter in the garden. She was always full of laughter and has a positive perspective of life. One would have much to learn from her.

Rest in peace, Jean. We will miss your smile, your laughter and most of all your presence.

An Imprint in My Heart

I was just browsing on facebook since I had some time to spare before I call it a day. The thing I enjoyed most about facebook is that I get to see many photos uploaded by friends. Pictures do tell a thousand stories and you would assume from the photos how your friends have been keeping. Of course, you will never be able to tell the sad side of their lives because everyone only puts on their most beautiful photos on the net for another's pleasure viewing. Nevertheless, I am satisfied to learn that people I know are doing fine judging from their photos.

I then caught a long lost friend of mine through facebook. I asked if my friend has MSN, no was the answer. Why not? I thought. "Dunno" was the reply. What a peculiar answer, I thought. Hm... that leaves me no choice but to chat through FB. I have a slight dislike for chatting through FB. I find the bopping sound whenever a message comes out, annoying. Still, I had wanted so much to chat with my long lost friend that I couldn't care less about chatting through facebook, whatever it takes to get hold of my friend and update myself with stories that I've missed out.

When finally we concluded our conversation, I said to my friend, "You are a good friend, remember that" to which my friend replied, "You left an imprint in my heart, remember that."

I was so taken aback by those words. It was so powerful that it just hit me in an overwhelming way. It's just wonderful and reassuring to know that my presence in this world actually meant something to some people, especially my friends. I also happened to learn from C.S. Lewis that there is apparently 4 kinds of love. With my family, it's storgē, with friends, it's philia. There's eros too which involves physical love and with my husband, it's a combination of philia, eros and agape. After talking to my friend, I'd experience one of the strongest philia I've ever felt for a long time.

Time to time, we do need emotional reinforcement such as this. One of the reasons I don't make many friends is because if I know our friendship is going to be superficial, I'd rather not have one. A strong friendship needs constant nurturing, a mutual understanding shared by both. This however, is not easy once true friendship has been developed and over time, lack of nurturing and distance can add strain to the friendship. Still, it's understandable when life is so demanding, that it's quite difficult to hold the friendship as priority. But I do believe that once true friendship is forged, it will always remain in my heart.

My friend, I cannot thank God enough for making our paths crossed. I haven't been a great friend and I hope you'd forgive me. I wish you all the best in life, from the bottom of my heart.

****Special Note****

Hey everyone,

If you noticed my blog's new makeover, you'd grasped that I am trying to find out who have been visiting my blog, be it regulars or not (particularly the latter), or it so happens you chance upon my blog by googling or through another friend's blog. I must say, I am flattered by the number of people visiting my blog. You guys are from everywhere around the world!!! I just feel so....... grateful and touched!

Of course, this is not a blog to promote myself (I have nothing to promote anyway) nor to earn any income, fame or glamour. This is just a very plain blog by a plain lady (but is being accused by one's own husband that she is full of herself when she blogs) who tries to express her feelings and more for discovering the real her in the midst of blogging. This of course is a realization only to be discovered by me and me only in due time.

This blog initially was meant to update my mum and sister about my life, being so far apart from them... but inevitable, the whole world will be updated too! Like I said, I don't have many friends or rather I have a handful of friends, so blogging is a fantastic way of making friends. However, it is only possible if this intention is being reciprocated. I would like to get acquinted with all of you who visits my blog. If it was referred, I thank you for visiting. If it's by chance, it must be a divine plan. I am not desperate but I sincerely hope that you will let me know if you like what you read here, so as to serve as encouragement for me to blog.

I hope that you will drop me a note, a simple hello and a word or two about yourself on the chat box. Or if you'd like to remain discreet, please email me. If you have listed me in your blog, let me know, because I'd love to check out your blog!

Thank you once again, for visiting this very ordinary blog of mine.

Dedicated to Yi Jien

We all lose our family and friends one day and sometimes in ways we can never comprehend. Thank you Karcy, I have been following your blog almost everyday for the family's update on Yi Jien. Though my heart didn't feel like letting go, though somehow, I still believe there is hope, I will not question God. I just want to dedicate a song to Yi Jien and Aunty Kim Guat.

Yi Jien, I hope it is not wrong to assume the worst, yet the worst for us, may in fact be for the best, I do not know. Wherever you are, I know God is with you.. and for that I am glad and I know we will meet someday.

Aunty Kim Guat, I know you as a strong woman of God, we all know there's really not much to worry about. We will all be united with the Lord one day and I really look forward to that day. Love you...

HELD by Natalie Grant
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

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