What is a Christian Christians?

When I say...."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'!"
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble,
And need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak,
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting that I have failed,
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible,
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches,
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner,
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Was just pondering on the words.. and what struck me was, as undeserving I feel I am, I'm still worth it to Him, just what I needed at this point of time.

Job crisis?

I'm feeling like I'm no where, depressed wth my work. Today I realized that my field ain't going to take me far if I'm not a PhD holder. Being a scientist, with masters degree, is seemingly nothing. Coming Friday is my graduation day, yet I am not at all excited, unlike my first degree graduation. I felt that this masters degree I did was not challenging enough. Although alot of hard work was put into it, I felt as if I was compelled to do it. It was a mundane course, sad but true. In fact, studying didn't make me happy at all. Probably I wasn't good at it, that's why. I'm still on the journey of discovering my talents. Do I even have any? I used to keep telling myself, I'm a "jack of all trades, master of none". If I were to change a job, I have to start all over again!! Lord, please reveal Your plans to me and mean time sustain me with all that I'm facing. I surrending it to you and I place it at Your altar.

Just shout!

I have been told off many times that I speak too softly. Darn, am I really soft or are they just deaf? I need to lower my tone (my husband complains that I speak in quite an irritating high tone) and speak up next time. I really hope I remember each time I speak. I just loathe the fact that I can't even speak normally and have to be conscious of HOW I speak, isn't that bizarre? My mum has a very soft and high pitch voice too, so obviously it's a gene passed down to me. I even sound like my mum over the phone, which I like how she sounds. So, what's the problem? Plus, I really have to think before I speak. I have this tendency to be very blunt at times. Which 70% of the time, I regret what I blurted out before. Lord, please help me to think and speak in wisdom. I really need this gift from you.

Counting the days...

2 more days... I am always excited whenever my family comes to visit. My aunties came to visit me last year (May, 05). We had lots of fun just visiting sydney and exploring. This time, my mum, aunties and Faith (couzie) is coming specially for my graduation. I'm counting the days and am trying to create an itinerary for their visit. Although my abode will be quite crowded, but imagine the fun of having loved ones around. Only problem is, my car can only allow 5 passengers. There will be 6 of us.. poor Andrew, he will have to stay at home most of the time (which he is more than happy too). Man, we'll see how it goes. Hopefully they will still enjoy themselves here.

What goes around, comes around!

We are going for Andrew's cousin's 21st birthday this coming Saturday, so we went shopping for a present after church on Sunday. Since the cousin's a guy, it's easier to choose a present. Something classic but useful. :) Won't reveal it yet!

Then on Monday, got to work as usual. My senior scientist then handed me this and thank me for helping out in the lab. He claimed that he is quite traditional when it comes to thanking someone, as he reckons words aren't enough to show how grateful he was to me for all my help during the "crisis" period. Nicely wrapped, chocolates they are. Probably the best I've tried :)

Towards the Light?

On Saturday, I received a call from my aunties. They informed me that foster grandfather had passed away at 3 in the morning. It was sad but my heart had already prepared for his passing months ago after learning he was suffering from lung cancer. I do not know every detail of his death, but what is heartrending is the realization that he may not go to heaven. My aunties had advised me to call my foster grandmother and parents to send my condolence. I hesitated because I knew they may not be in a stable state to talk and it won't help because I was not physically present to comfort them. Still, I called and managed to speak to my foster grandma. She was wailing and lamenting as though in a trance-like state, speaking in her dialect which I cannot understand. I also heard lots of wailing and howling in the background. Then I thought to myself, why, they probably ought to mourn if my Grandpa doesn't go to a "better" place.

At this point, I really don't know how and what to pray. It is heart wrenching. I believe our Father in heaven is ever-loving and ever-forgiving. He has sent Jesus, His only Son to die on the cross to pay for our sins. Hence, He will forgive sinners, like the rapist, the killer, or the seemingly lighty sinners, liar, gossiper and snob if they confess and repent. But will He forgive someone who rejects (not literally in this case) Him and denounce Jesus?

It made me realized then, how important missions are. To reach out to others and to spread the good news. It doesn't matter whether they choose to believe or not, or verbally accept Jesus as their Lord Saviour, but most importantly, they are exposed to the truth. At least, they've heard about Jesus. They can very well decide for themselves to accept it or not... they may not find it valuable or relevant during their lifetime, but I'm sure they will when they come face to face with death.

Lord, have mercy on those who doesn't know you even... do we blame them for not knowing you or do we blame those around them who knows you yet do nothing to bring the good news?

Grey's Anatomy

I've never really followed a drama series ever, but this is one that really caught my interest. I love the main casts, Dr. Meredith Grey (I know some may dislike her, unfortunately) and Dr. Derek Shepherd. I will continue my blog about it some other time. It's been a long day!

Ok, let me continue with this topic. Grey's Anatomy (for those who haven't watched) is a tv medical drama, which has bagged many awards. However, as Wikipedia puts it:

"...it has its detractors where medical professionals criticized for innacurately presenting medical situations and greatly exaggerating how doctors fraternize with one another."

Still, a drama is a drama. It is exactly how the roles "fraternize" with one another that boost the popularity of the show. The main character is Meredith Grey and her love, Derek. Basically, the whole show is about them, I feel, or at least that's the reason why I watch. The whole sequel of her encounter with Derek is just so romantic and thrilling. The fact about him having a wife, does make the show sour, but thank goodness, it was his wife who cheated on him first. To cut the story short, he ended up divorcing his wife. Not that I condone to this act, but as I said, a drama is just a drama.

Oops, before I forgot, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BROTHER!